Well, he’s off. I held it together all morning. Had to drop him off at the recruitment office at noon. Guys, I held it together all morning. I was so proud of myself. So much so that I thought I just might be able to send him off without any tears… I was so wrong.
Aww man, the minute I saw the office I started tearing up, but I held it in. Then he reached for my hand and I started to tear up again but I somehow kept it in. Then, one of his favorite songs came on the radio. He started to sing, and I lost it. No sobs but a whole lot of tears. I was trying sooo hard but I couldn’t make them stop for my life. That was to date the toughest goodbye of my life.
With tears streaming down my face, we hugged each other tight, then one last kiss and he was off. Crying harder now, I got in the car and drove off as fast as I could. I was crying pretty hard so I knew I would not be able to drive home yet so I just went to the Walmart across the street. Aww man, once I parked that car I just cried my eyes out! I was so surprised in myself. I honestly was not expecting me to have that intense of a reaction. I finally calmed down and decided to walk around the store. I picked up a few things and while checking out, I received the sweetest message from him. I wasn’t expecting to hear from him any more so it caught me completely off guard and made me tear up all over again.
Going home was not any better. Seeing his car in the driveway made me tear up, seeing his keys hanging on the hook, looking at his side of the bed and all stuff, looking at his spot on the coach, everything made me cry. I was a mess! I realize more than ever that this is going to be, its going to be uncomfortable and definitely stressful… but this is my husband. The man that I love like crazy and with all my heart. He wants this and I want it for him. There are going to be high days and theres going to be some low for both of us but I love that we’re doing this together and that we both want this.
I doubt it will get easier but my hope is that I find a rhythm and new routines. Its weird and sucks being without him but I’m honestly excited for this journey.