Not The Easiest of Nights

Tonights a night I just don’t feel like sleeping. Sometimes in the excitement of everything I loose sense of reality… but it always finds you eventually and tonight its hitting hard.

Im excitement to see my husband. I think that goes without saying and my family and friends are excited for me as well. But everyone keeps saying “Its almost over” and for a split second I believe but I know thats not the truth. I always shake me head kindly and something general like “You know it, 8 more days” but thats so not the truth. I find myself counting down for months just to see him for two days. Thats it. We’re not counting down till we’re back together. No, we’re counting down to 20 hours together. Then I have to kiss him goodbye and start a new count down all over again, only this time it’ll be longer. Its been almost 10 weeks since I’ve slept under the same roof as my husband and till be at least 4 more months till I will again. Its hitting hard that I don’t get to snuggle with my husband for a very long time. What I wouldn’t do to have him next to me.

I miss him. Yes, Ive gotten a lot more comfortable in the house and learned the sounds that it makes but I’ll never sleep as good as to do when he’s right next to me. I go to work, go to the gym, come home. Every day. Sometimes I’ll wander around Target or whatever but thats pretty much my day everyday. And weekends are no better. A lot of weekends I work, and if I don’t work, I just go to the gym then clean up and chill around the house. Most days with the exception of work, I don’t talk to anyone. I know, i need friends. I have a few but I honestly just don’t feel like hanging out. I like to be by myself yet I complain about it. I know, it makes no sense but its the truth. But friends aren’t the same as my husband. With friends i have to think too much. I have to make conversation and listen and put on make up. But with him, just his presence is enough. Just knowing he’s in the next room or upstairs makes me feel close and connected to him. It relaxes me. I don’t get that relaxing feeling when I hang out with friends, if anything it makes me more tired and sometimes stressed. He was/is my person I vent to and dream with. Its tough not having him here to talk about all the random things that run through my head and to listen to all his randomness.

I’m a bit grumpy tonight (if you couldn’t already tell). Its a hard reality to realized you don’t actually get to live with your husband for months. Living without him is hard. Its hard and exhausting managing the house, cars, bills, lawn, life without him. I know the good times will out weight nights like this, but sometimes thats easier said than done.

On a positive note, 8 more days.

 

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