I can hardly believe its here. Going through these last 7 months, it felt like this day would never arrive. This journey felt endless. I have cried so many tears and spent too many nights alone. There have been so many days that I did not think I would make it and so many situations that almost broke me, but somehow, by the grace of God, here we are. He has not only made it through BCT, but tomorrow he graduated AIT… with HONORS might I add. And I’ve sold our house, moved our stuff and kept everything together on the home front.
I am a mess with emotions tonight. I knew I would of course be excited but I did not expect to be excited, anxious, relived, grateful, nervous, scared. I am excited to have my husband back, to finally have this huge terrifying thing behind us. I am relived that we survived, that the house sold and that we will be starting the next chapter of this journey. As great as these two emotions are, I can not but help acknowledge the nervousness and anxiety I have about living and doing life with him again.
We were married 7 months when he left and he’s been away for 6 in a half. I think I am more nervous for tomorrow than I was on our wedding. I know we aren’t, but it feels as though we are almost starting over. We both have changed so much over the past few months. We no longer are the same people we were when I kissed him goodbye at the army recruitment center 6 months ago. Before he left, he was the lead and handled almost everything from bills to insurance to the house to money. Then he left and suddenly everything and more was completely on me. I had to make HUGE decisions without even being able to consult him. From decisions regarding the sale of the house to managing our savings and bills, I have had to do on my own. Now, just like that, I have to start sharing decisions again and I am scared.
He’s still the same him, goofy, sweet, thoughtful, loving man that I fell in love with. But at the same time he’s different. He’s more quite and subdued. He’s less emotional and a lot more assertive/decisive. He also worries a lot more than he use to. Worries about things that we don’t have control over like traffic and weather and how they may effect his responsibilities. I know a lot of it has to do with being in such a strictly regulated environment for so long. I also know the worry is from all the stress and strict rules he’s been under. I know it will be an adjustment back to civilian life for him. I also know that it will be an adjustment for both of us.
As excited as I am for whats next, I am equally nervous. I am overthinking it, I know I am. I just need to calm down, enjoy and stop worrying. We will be fine and figure it out. Heck we’ve made it this far. We will learn how to do this new life together. I just need to focus on the good and positive and pray for a lot of patience and understanding. I feel naive for thinking everything would go back to how it was before. I think I am finally realizing that that will not happen. But I just need to focus on finding our new normal and this new exciting chapter of life.
For now, I choose to be nothing but excited for tomorrows graduation and our first night together.