How am I going to do this?

That’s just one of thousands of questions whizzing through my mind.

“How? Howww am I going to survive?”

It was miserable without him but I was established there, had a full time job, had my family and his close, had friends, had routines and a schedule. Here, I have nothing. I know that sounds so dramatic but its the truth. We just moved here. Despite constantly  applying and interviewing for positions, I have yet to land one. We live off base and haven’t connected with the FRG here yet so no friends here yet and especially any that can relate. Don’t have any family in the area either.

All of this was okay because we had each other, but soon that will all change. I so am not ready for an empty house and quite days. I am not ready to wake up alone and fall asleep by myself. I am not ready for time differences and limited communication. For letters, emails and care packages. For missed holidays and Skype dates… but who is?!

Although is will be our first deployment, this won’t be the first time we have been apart due to the military. I didn’t feel ready last time, I didn’t know how I would survive, I had no idea what was ahead or how I would make it through, but somehow I did. I know this will be the same way. There will be countless tears, fears, worries, rough days and rougher nights but I’ll eventually find a job, get a routine, make friends. It won’t go by quickly but it will eventually come to an end. Thats what I keep telling myself anyway.

As awful as it sounds,  I’m ready to just rip the bandaid and get this thing started. Right now if feels like its being taken off slowly and painfully. The sooner it starts, the sooner it’ll be over. At the same time I just want to hold on to every second for as long as I can. Some might say differently but for us, the anticipation and stress leading up to a departure is almost as bad as the separation itself. Thankfully, we’re making it through and somehow keeping a smile on each others face.

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