I have officially been home for one week by myself and what a week its been to say the least. I have had a lot of highs and lows.
I was a lot more emotional about coming home than I was expecting to be. It was hard standing at baggage claim and seeing people reunite with their love ones waiting for them. Usually that does not effect me, but this time, it was tough not having anyone. I felt tears in my eyes but managed to hold it together as I got my bags and headed to my car. I was nervous my car would not start but thankfully it did. The drive home was long and quite. As I parked and lugged my luggage to the house I told myself I would not cry. As I opened the door I felt the tears but pushed them back again. When I got to the top of the stairs, I saw 9 hand written letters from my husband laid out on out kitchen counter and I just bursted into tears. I didn’t even have to read them. Just seeing his hand writing broke me down.
The first night alone was okay. Was not nearly as bad as the first night he left for BCT. Although I did sleep with the light on, I managed to fall asleep and actually stay asleep. As much as I missed him, there was something comforting about being back in the home we shared and in our bed. The next day was Sunday. I slept in then went to the store to restock our pantry. I did some unpacking and got re-settled back in. I was grateful we got to talk for a bit since we was off work. I wishes him a Happy New Years when midnight hit were he was. He tried so hard to stay awake for my New Years but missed it by a couple of hours. Even though he did not make it, it was the sweetest thought. Although I do like a nice glass of Jack or wine, I do not like drinking while he’s away. I have so much fun drinking when we are together, but its just not the same when I am by myself. So instead of bringing in the New Year with wine, I bought some sparking cider and sipped on that.
New Years day was one of the best yet hardest days this week. I have always wanted to do a Polar Bear Plunge but I have just never been in the right place at the right time. But this year, everything lined up! I found one for New Years day in a near by city. Everyone thought I was crazy for wanting to do it but it has been on my Life List for years. And what better way to start the year then my checking it off?! Of course I wake up to 19 degree weather and snow/ice on my car. As I pulled up to the event, I sat in my car enjoying the heat while I could. When it was time to get out, I almost didn’t. I felt those tears again. I wanted my husband there with me so badly. I wanted with everything in me to experience this with him. I wanted to make this memory together. No part of me wanted to do it along. As I sat there, a few tears actually fell down my face. It hurt so bad but its because of the pain that I knew I needed to do this. As much as I want to, I knew I could not just pause my life when he’s away. I had to keep on living, making memories and having new experiences. Although this was just one thing, if I let this deployment hold me back from this, what other life experiences would I let it stop me from doing???
So with that, I got out of my car and headed to the pool. I was right behind a large family in the ticket line. One of the women in front turned around and looked at me. I did not know what she was looking at but she had a strange look on her face. Finally she asked ” Are you here alone” to which I said yes. She then asked ” Are you jumping alone?!” I said “I guess so” as I shrugged my shoulders. I will never forget her response. She said “Oh no! You cant do that! You can jump with us. No one wants to do this alone” and with that I almost bursted into tears again!!! The whole event I tagged along with her and her family. I tell people that they adopted me for the day. I know it must have seemed like such a small thing to them but that family will never understand how much their open arms meant to me. She was my angel for the day.
The plunge was freezing and getting out was even colder but it was a fun experience. Those quite miserable (because of the cold) I would definitely do it again. I walked away so proud of myself for doing it despite wanting my husband there and so grateful for kind hearted people like the woman who welcomed me into her family.