One Day At a Time

I am trying hard to remain “positive” and “upbeat” and to “thrive” through this deployment but the truth is I am struggling and my heart hurts so bad. Everyone says to “stay busy” and I have been but no matter how “busy” you stay, the sting of walking into an empty house just never gets old. This deployment is lonely and quite. Of all the words, I never thought I would choose those two but right now they perfectly describe my experience so far.

This is a different kind of lonely than when he was a BCT and AIT. Its somehow heavier and lonelier. I volunteer in the community, go to church, have a job and talk to my family almost every day. I have made a point to put myself out there in hopes of not feeling so lonely sadly though its not working. I know I just need to give it time and keep adjusting but its tough.

The silence in the house is truly deafening. Even though we only had a few weeks together here, we filled the house with such laughter and joy. I know I will have that back eventually but in the meantime, this silence is so load. I also did not expect the time change to be so hard. My night is his morning. My breakfast is his dinner. Because our schedules are so opposite, we only have a small window each day that we get to talk, if we even get to. I am so grateful for every opportunity that I get to hear from him but I miss the days I could just call or text him whenever I missed him or had a question.

I thought that if I put on a smile and convinced others that I was okay, that it would eventually become true but thats not happening. My heart aches every minute of the day and I feel like I am always two seconds away from tears. I know this will all be over and behind us soon. And I will be so proud and relieved to have made it and have him back but right now it hurts.

I know this post doesn’t have the usual energy as my other ones. And I hope it does not come off as negative because that is not my intention. However, I have always promised myself I would be open, honest, transparent and when necessary, vulnerable. This is one of those posts. Better times are coming, I know that. I also know that the difficult times make us appreciate the good ones so much more but goodness are the tough times tough.

 

 

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68 thoughts on “One Day At a Time

      1. Dabir Dalton

        For every
        Mountain we climb there is a
        Valley below

        The climb is hard
        The downward glide restful the
        View so far below

        Spectacular
        Even a bird must rest his wings
        From time

        To time as
        He soars upon the gentle winds
        High above

        Sometimes our lives seem effortless other times quite weary as we navigate the highs and lows. Struggle through the storms dodging lightning bolts to climb above the head winds that seek to impede us throw us off course.

        Yet the sun will come out again
        Chase the clouds away
        The rain will cease the sound of
        Thunder fade away
        Within his arms once again he’ll
        Enfold you the tears
        His fingertips gently wipe away

        Rather then being negative or projecting the facade of upbeat bravado it is an honest depiction of what you are going through: the worries, fears and the longing. Yet full of hope as you deal with the loneliness of separation, day by day live your own life as you look forward to the safe return of your husband.

        🙂

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      2. That is a beautiful poem. Thank you for sharing! I really appreciate hearing your feedback as well! That is exactly what I was hoping to show through this post. I am so glad that thats how it reads. Thank you again for the encouragement. Its much needed!

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Bess Chiasson

    Girl, I know exactly how you feel. This is our second deployment, it doesn’t get easier, you just get stronger. If you need someone to talk to I’m here! Every day is one day closer to him being home.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for reaching out! I really appreciate that! Goodness, we’re still just at the beginning and I am so ready to have this behind us. But I just keep thinking about the homecoming. Sending you good thoughts and strength! Thank you for the encouragement!!!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Do not be hard on yourself this is an adjustment and not an easy one . It’s ok to feel this way nothing wrong with missing your husband. Do you like to read? When your home at night or day tur on some music for some noise make your favorite beverage coffee tea and read . Then let work and volunteering keep your days busy . It will get better you just need to find a routine . Hope this helps.❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I forgot how much I enjoy reading. With so much time on my hands at night, it is something I have begun doing again. I cant believe I ever got away from it. How wonderful it is to be absorbed in a good book. And I have never been a tea of coffee person… until now! I just started drinking a cup of tea at night right before bed and I have found that it calms me and helps me rest so much better! Its a huge adjustment but I appreciate the reminder not to be too hard on myself. I know I have a tendency to do that. So thank for that. As soon as I find a routine, he’ll be home and I’ll have to find a whole new one haha but thats how life goes!

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      1. I’m so happy your reading and you found a routine . Yes you may have to change the routine when he gets home but maybe a bit . Tea is such a calming thing at night good for you. What are you reading ? I love romance novels with a little mystery in it.

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  3. It’s not wrong to miss your husband, but you will be fine eventually, my dear. Just take out time to listen to some music and dance (that’s if you love dancing. Lol) or do something you love. It’s not easy though, but it will pass. I hope this helps

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  4. You may not have known it, but you have spoken up the words that so many people have been feeling… and I am one of those people. It was as if I was speaking those same words, especially after losing so many relatives back in 2016. My tears overflowed my voice. Thank you for sharing.

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    1. Your comment and words truly touched my heart. I am so sorry for your losses.Life and situations can feel so overwhelming at times. Sometimes you don’t know how you will make it through. But all we can do is pray and take it one step and one day at a time. Praying 2018 will be a better year for you!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. bethesunshinee

    Love this post! Glad to be able to relate! I am also in a military relationship except I am the active duty member and my boyfriend is the “spouse”. It’s got to be incredibly hard for you, espeically being at a brand new duty location. Just remind yourself that even though your situation is sucky, your husband is probably in a more sucky spot (And I know that probably doesn’t help). Just take it one day at a time, he will be home before you know it! Thinking of you girl 🙂

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    1. Thank you! I love that perspective. I will continue to remind myself that it is extremely tough for him as well. Strangely enough, it does help 😊. I really appreciate you for reaching out and for the encouragement. Wishing you the best as well too!

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  6. Take It From P

    Having been on both sides, truly being the spouse is the most difficult. It might not get any easier, but this routine will become your new normal. By this time, your husband will be on his way back to create a new routinue. You’ll always miss your husband because you love him, but maximize the time he is away by exploring new ventures and remembering why you two fell in love in the first place.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! Your comment meant so much to me. Especially from someone who has experienced both. I can see that being so true. Right when I finally have a handle on things and a system down, he’ll be back and we’ll adjust all over again. I cant wait for that. I definitely will take your advice and continue to make the most of this time apart. Find or rediscover hobbies and activities that make me happy, hopeful find somewhere to volunteer and make some friends. Thank you for reaching out, for the advice and for the reassurance. I truly needed it all!!!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I spent two years (with 2 year in between) waiting for my husband to come home. (Viet Nam). It is lonely. I did all the things you are doing. I found some help from other wives. If you can connect it helps. God bless you and hang in there!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for reaching out and sharing your experience!!! It would be so helpful to connect with other wives! I am working on reaching out to the FRG in hopes of meeting some. Also hoping and praying for some friends, military or not! I know God has some wonderful people coming into my life soon. Thank you so much for the encouragement. Blessings to you and your family as well!!!

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  8. I’m sorry you’re feeling so lonely right now, it’s an awful feeling. Unfortunately sometimes there’s really nothing anyone can say that would make you feel any better right now. I think continuing to reach out to people is really important, you can do this!

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    1. Its a tough experience thats for sure but I am learning that it is not always so rough. Im learning the find joy and excitement in the small and simple things. And I most definitely will take your advice and reach out to others. Hopeful I can connect with his units FRG soon. Thank you for reading!

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  9. Hey girl! Hang it there!! You totally got this! ❤️ I’m here if you need anything! Anything at all! I would love to chat with you! Sometimes it helps to talk it out with someone who is going through the same thing

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    1. Thank you so much for reaching out and for the encouragement! I really appreciate that! And your support means so much to me! Thank you! I am so happy to have found your blog. Please feel free to reach out to me as well if ever you need/want to talk/vent 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  10. The quiet house killed me too. I would play music or put the tv on as soon as I got home when my husband was deployed just to have some background noise as I carried on with my routine. It helped “fill” the room, and somehow it felt less empty.
    Worth a shot!

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    1. Thank you for the advice! I am open to ANY suggestions on how to make this experience just a little bit better. I definitely will try that! It also means a lot coming from someone who has been where I am. So excited to be on the other side of this.

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    1. Your words and prayers mean so much to me! Thank you. I always know God has me in His hands and is guiding me through, but I definitely needed the reminded. Only with and because of God will we make it through this. Using this opportunity to pull closer and truth deeper in Him.

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  11. I’m not a military wife but I do know what’s it’s like to be away from my husband for a long time. To have distance between you and the one you love is painful. I know what it feels like to be kept away from him and long to be with him but just could not. I know that heart break. I’ve dealt with it and some other hard things for years and I know you’ve heard it all before but hang in there! It will get better. One day at a time. I often remember the times where my husband and I just wanted to be together and couldn’t and the times we were finally together, we took each other for granted. What a roller coaster marriage and life in general can be. Anyway, don’t apologize for how you feel. You’re not negative, just raw.

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    1. Thank you so much for reaching out to me and sharing your experiences! Military spouses most certainly are not the only ones who have to deal with distant. No matter the reason or length, the longing is the same. I really appreciate the words of encouragement, especially from someone who has been through something so similar. With our birthdays, holidays, valentines days all so close together, we definitely are going through wanting to be together. Its definitely tough finding way to make those occasions feel special when we are so far apart but we are finding creative ways. Hopefully when we are together next, this time apart will help us to treasure the time we have together. Thank you so much for your comment. I really appreciate it.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Thank you for sharing your experience. Vulnerability takes a lot of courage, especially on the internet.

    Have you stopped to really let yourself feel the loneliness and sadness? I know I’ve struggled for years with the fear of being perceived as weak. Unfortunately, pretending that everything is alright only made me more miserable.

    We can’t let our emotions control us, but we also have to give them breathing room. If you haven’t already, try sitting with your feelings and letting yourself experience them without judgment. There’s nothing wrong with feeling how you feel and by acknowledging this hopefully you will be able to move forward.

    Hang in there. You’ll be together again.

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    1. Thank you. I really appreciate you for saying that! You know, I don’t think I have stopped to have that time. It feels like I am having to put out one fire after the next but I think its very necessary for me to do so. I won’t let it control or overtake me but I will make some time to process and really feel my emotions. I am so thankful for your advice and insight.

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  13. It is soo okay to not feel positive all the time. Being honest with yourself and accepting your feelings helps to let it go. I just recently wrote a not so positive post too and I tend to process things while writing, that helped me feel better!

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    1. Thank you, I really appreciate you saying that. Even though I know that, hearing a reminder is helpful and needed. I definitely can relate to processing while writing. Thats actually one of the main reasons I started this blog! I look forward to reading more from you blog.

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    1. Thank you so much for reaching out and being able to relate. It defiantly is a unique journey and experience. It does my heart so much good to hear that you enjoyed reading my blog. Thank you so much for your kind words and for taking the time to read!

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