I truly have been overwhelmed by all the support and encouragement I have received since my last post. I am so thankful for all those who reached out to me, shared their experiences, offer advice and words of comfort. I was not expecting the responses I received but am so grateful to everyone who took the time to not only read but respond to my post. It truly warmed my heart and comforted my soul.
Since last week, I have been thinking a lot about what being “positive” means to me. A week ago, it meant smiling, laughing, acting like everything was okay even when it wasn’t, not crying, not thinking about pain, burying/avoiding feelings and saying “I’m good!” when someone asks how you are doing. Only now do I see how wrong and ridiculous that was.
I was being so hard on myself because I did not feel happy and for finally admitting everything was not okay. I honesty felt like I had failed and did not know how to make it better… and then I stubbled across this definition of what it means to be positive.
“Being positive isn’t pretending that everything is good.
Its seeing the good in everything.“
It blew my mind and I instantly saw my errors. Theres no faking, lying, omitting or concealing when pursuing positivity. It should not be hard or exhausting. And it most definitely should not feel like a heavy burden. Only when you are doing it the wrong way, like I was, will you experience those things.
So now, my new understanding, expectation and definition of positivity is choosing to find the good, even if some days I have to search a lot harder than others. Its having a grateful heart for what I do have and what is going well. Its trusting Gods love and plan for me when I do not understand. Its letting myself feel the pain of missing my husband and hating the distance while being thankful to have someone who makes being apart so hard. Its admitting that life is not always sunshine and rainbows but also knowing that behind every cloud, is the bright blue sky. Finally, its not wearing a fake forced smile when life gets rough but smiling because I’ve chosen to set my eyes on what I am thankful for.