What “Being Positive” Really Looks Like

On By This Beautiful LifeIn Adventure, army, Career, Family, finances, lifestyle, long distance, love, marriage, Military, relationships, Uncategorized

I truly have been overwhelmed by all the support and encouragement I have received since my last post. I am so thankful for all those who reached out to me, shared their experiences, offer advice and words of comfort. I was not expecting the responses I received but am so grateful to everyone who  took the time to not only read but respond to my post. It truly warmed my heart and comforted my soul.

Since last week, I have been thinking a lot about what being “positive” means to me. A week ago, it meant smiling, laughing, acting like everything was okay even when it wasn’t, not crying, not thinking about pain, burying/avoiding feelings and saying “I’m good!” when someone asks how you are doing. Only now do I see how wrong and ridiculous that was.

I was being so hard on myself because I did not feel happy and for finally admitting everything was not okay. I honesty felt like I had failed and did not know how to make it better… and then I stubbled across this definition of what it means to be positive.

“Being positive isn’t pretending that everything is good.

Its seeing the good in everything.“

It blew my mind and I instantly saw my errors. Theres no faking, lying, omitting or concealing when pursuing positivity.  It should not be hard or exhausting. And it most definitely should not feel like a heavy burden. Only when you are doing it the wrong way, like I was, will you experience those things.

So now, my new understanding, expectation and definition of positivity is choosing to find the good, even if some days I have to search a lot harder than others. Its having a grateful heart for what I do have and what is going well. Its trusting Gods love and plan for me when I do not understand. Its letting myself feel the pain of missing my husband and hating the distance while being thankful to have someone who makes being apart so hard. Its admitting that life is not always sunshine and rainbows but also knowing that behind every cloud, is the bright blue sky. Finally, its not wearing a fake forced smile when life gets rough but smiling because I’ve chosen to set my eyes on what I am thankful for. 

73 thoughts on “What “Being Positive” Really Looks Like”

  4. heartofjackie

    Joy is something we have to choose in the middle of tough times. Joy isn’t laughter and the giggles, but rather a choice to find good in the hard. It sounds like you are doing a great job! Great post!

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    1. Wow, that means so much to me. I am so happy that you connected with this post. I truly don’t believe that being “too positive” is a thing. That is so beautiful that you are able to do that! I am hoping to become more like you!

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  9. Rose

    I hear you. Oh, how I hear you. I’m generally all in favor of fixing things when they’re broken, so learning this sort of pain isn’t something to be fixed, but simply felt – it’s a strange experience. Strange, and helpful.

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  10. Positivity is a mindset, and a mindset is effort, to those not blessed with the neural architecture of the perpetually blissful. I wish you strength and solace in this time of ordeals, and hope matters will unfold positively for you and your husband.

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    1. That is so true and so well said. It definitely does take effort for me but I am willing to explore and discover how I can bring more joy and positivity into my life. Thank you so much for the encouragement, kind words and well wishes!!!

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  11. Shining Broken Soul

    Just thought I’d leave a comment because your post reminded me of a song:

    God hath not promised skies always blue,
    Flower-strewn pathways all our lives through;
    God hath not promised sun without rain,
    Joy without sorrow, peace without pain.
    But God hath promised strength for the day,
    Rest for the labor, light for the way,
    Grace for the trials, help from above,
    Unfailing sympathy, undying love.

    God bless. 🙂

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  12. janerosebery

    Being positive is definitely not pretending that everything is ok. I can understand what you are going through. In 2015 my husband left for one year to live in a war zone for his job. It was so hard. Somehow I got through it. Not sure how, but I did. Before you know it, you’ll both be together again, having fun on your adventures. (Love your Instagram feed, btw.)

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    1. Thank you so much for reaching out to me. This experience can sometimes make you feel very lonely but its so wonderful to hear from someone who not only has been where I am now, but made it through! I am so excited and ready to get on the other side of this. I just keep thinking about the homecoming!!! Thank you for the encouragement and support! Haha Thank you!!! Thanks for checking it out!!! Im all about instagram 😉

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  13. “It’s seeing the good in everything.” Beautiful definition! And, one I agree with – even if people look at me weirdly when I try to “find the positive” – things will turn out, and you will be amazed at your strength in the end!

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    1. Thank you! When I discovered that definition, it really hit me hard. No way to misinterpret it! Since gaining this new perspective, I definitely have received several weird looks too. Its a good and sometimes contagious feeling though. Thank you for reaching out and I am so glad you enjoyed this post.

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  17. Dean L

    The Stoics talk about loving your fate. In the modern context this can lead to being positive in all situations. Breaking down your life and being thankful for what you have been dealt. I find that helps me achieve a positive outlook in most situations. The hardest part is trying!

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    1. I love that! “Loving your fate”. Thats beautiful and so relevant to the lessons on thankfulness that I am learning now. You are so right, trying definitely is the hardest part. But the more you practice it, the easier it gets. Hoping to begins coming more naturally for me but as for right now, it definitely takes a whole lot of effort. Thank you for the encouragement and insight!

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  20. My sentiments exactly! Every night B4 bed I try and come up with at least 3 things I’m grateful for that day. Sometimes it’s hard and sometimes I tell the “Universe” that it was a terrible, very bad, no good day! But I’m still grateful for having a day. 🙂 Yeah, faking it usually makes things worse.

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    1. Thats a wonderful routine! One I will definitely begin to incorporate into my night as well. I completely agree, not every day is it easy to come up with things to be grateful for but when that happens, one thing I say I am grateful for is for tomorrow being a new day!

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  23. You know from where am from it probably morning and this morning am not very much myself and a thought creep under reminding me there are lots of places i can find motivation and inspiration. so you just make me believe, me coming here this morning is not a wrong decision by me. thank you so much.

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  25. heartofjackie

    Great question, and one that has had me thinking. Being positive isn’t about a state of mind (because lets face it emotions take care of that). We are in the middle of an intense storm in our family right now with my daughter in hospital following complications from a day surgery. At times this whole thing is overwhelming. One of the things my daughter has said is “We have to choose joy. Doesn’t mean we are happy about it but we have to find the things that bring joy to the situation”. She is right. Being positive is finding the things that hold a measure of hope, or promise that we will see through to the other side. To the side that is filled with family laughter and fun again instead of days and nights filled with tears. Positive is the opposite of negative… to live with hope instead of hopelessness.

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    1. Wow, I love your daughters words. Its not a feeling or state of mind but rather a choice. Its not always the easiest of choices but its always possible. “To live with hope instead of hopelessness.” is such a beautiful way to put it. I definitely will hold on to those words. Thank you so much for sharing your story and reaching out to me. Wishing you and your family lots of peace, hope and positivity!

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  28. Dabir Dalton

    This is why I’m a realist as opposed to being an optomist or a pessimist.

    Optimists tend to live in denial.

    Pessimists can’t see the possibilities.

    As a realist I can honestly assess a situation and determine whether a half full glass or a half empty glass fits the situation and act accordingly.

    Sometimes all one can do is hang on and ride it out.

    Other times one can implement a solution.

    True wisdom is knowing when to hang on and when to act.

    Women are designed to feel emotions at least twice as intensely as men are designed to feel; even though men and women share the feminine nature in common.

    This means that women tend to think with their heart instead of thinking with their heads and feeling with their heart.

    Thinking with her head and feeling with her heart is a woman’s greatest strength.

    While thinking with her heart alone is her greatest weakness.

    Being consistently positive often means doing the exact opposite of what the heart wants to do.

    This is when one has to learn how to fake it (act positive) until one makes it (the feelings align with the chosen attitude).

    One’s mind belongs to them alone and each individual has the right and the power to choose to change the polarity (from negative to positive) of their minds through an act of the will.

    Please bare in mind I have been married to the same woman for 36 yrs and counting.

    There is a certain time in every woman’s life that comes around every twenty-eight days.

    When the only thing her husband can do is hold her tight until the emotional storm blows itself out.

    When you feel the winds start to surround yourself with everything you have that reminds you of your husband.

    Read the letters he has written to you and wrap his words around you.

    When he come home have him sit down and white two years worth of letters (24) geared to what you experience at that time.

    Have him seal each one in a separate envelope and place them in a special box.

    The next time he is away on tour and you feel the winds start to blow pull out one of those special letters and read it; then hold it right up against your heart and let it all hang out – hold nothing back.

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  30. It is written..
    All things work together for good to those that love God and the called according to His purpose.
    When Joseph saved his brothers from famine though they plotted to kill him and sold him into slavery..at the end of that story… He tells his brothers..you meant it for evil, but God meant it for good to save many alive.
    God will turn what others mean for evil..into your good.
    Keep your chin up..you will see
    Peace friend..I am glad you are here.

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    1. That is so well said and exactly what I wanted to convey. My first instinct was avoidance but that only made things more painful. Once I stepped into acceptance, it changed my perspective and energy. I am so glad I discovered that. Sounds like you already have too! Thank you so much for reading!

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