Finding My Fire

“What Do You Want To Do?” That is a question that I have struggled with in recent years. I always thought “I may not know now, but I will know when I am grown.” Well, here I am 25 and still not sure what I want to be or do. I feel its time to know or have some sense of direction, yet here I am still as clueless as I was when I graduated college.

I envy those of my friends that have found their passion and calling in life so early. Many of my friends graduated college and went straight into their careers. I was fortunate to go into a career after graduation with Target Corporation but quickly learned that the retail industry was not for me. I have held several jobs since then that I also learned were not for me. So I guess you can say one positive is that I know what I don’t want to do. But since then, I have been searching for what sets my heart on fire without success.

I know people who hate what they do but make great money. And others who make little to no money but absolutely love what they do. People have told me that its just not possible to enjoy what you do, but I just cannot accept that. My dad settled for a career that made great money but was extremely unfulfilling. I saw first hand the impact of that choice both in his personal and professional life. It lead to many difficulties and much unhappiness and discontentment. No, I am not blaming everything he went through on his career choices but I do think it was one contributing factor.

The idea that you are suppose to spend 40-60 hours a week doing something that does not excite, fulfill or satisfy you is terrifying! I have been there and done that but had to step down because not only did I dread work every single day, it was beginning to negatively impact the most important parts of my life.  I don’t need to make a million a year (although that would be amazing), I just want to make enough to help provide my family with a comfortable life. As far as career field, I truly have no idea. I had an interview last week and when asked what my dream job was, my mind went blanker than blank. I just sat there speechless and when I did finally start taking, I literally just strung together random words to fill up space but didn’t answer the question.

That question and my inability to answer it has stuck with me. Even if I am not at my dream job now, I at least what to have a dream to work towards. I also know that your calling or dream can change throughout life. I am not expecting to have the same dream now as I will in 40 years. I just want to feel some sense of direction for my career. I have been digging deep within myself trying to uncover or discover my professional dream but keep coming up empty handed and anxious. So I have decided to trust God for a dream and direction. I realized that I have not specifically prayed and asked for guidance on this in a long time but how much I need to. Even though I don’t have any answers yet, for the first time in a long time, I am encouraged and excited about what I will discover and God reveal. This may be a controversial idea or topic. Maybe we all are not made to love what we do. I don’t know. I can only speak for myself but I know for me, I need to find what sets my heart on fire and chase it everyday. I need that passion, peace and pursuit.