I can not tell you how many times I have been told “Your life doesn’t need to stop just because your husband is away at training/deployed.”. And while that may be true for your career, social and other parts of life, only recently have I discovered that unfortunately its not true for every part of life.
I have worked hard to keep my life moving forward these past 5 months. From running races and pursuing some fitness goals to volunteering, making friends and advancing in my career. But the truth is, some areas of life stand still while he’s away and can’t begin again till he gets back.
One of my best friends and her husband recently started trying for a baby. I am so happy for her. They haven’t been married long but she has literally wanted to be a mother as long as I have known her and I’ve known her for a long time. We have been talking pretty much nonstop these past few weeks about it. They have begun buying baby cloths, started a baby registry and even started decorating a nursery. We have several shared boards on Pinterest for nursery, baby announcement, baby shower and pregnancy/new born photography ideas. Its an exciting time in her life and I am so grateful to be included but my heart aches just a little every time we talk about it.
At first, I thought it was jealousy. Jealous that they were trying for a family and we were. That had to be it… right? But then I dug deeper and realized that was not it at all. I wasn’t jealous that they were trying. No, I was jealous/sad that they had the option to try. Its a small destination but makes all the difference. I was hurt that that part of life was frozen until he gets back and theres nothing we can do about it. That no matter how hard we denied it or wanted it, it was on pause. They went from waiting to trying literally overnight. But its not the simple for us. We don’t get that luxury right now and thats a tough pill to digest.
The funny thing is that even if he was here, I am pretty sure we would not be trying yet. Just the fact that its not an option right now makes it that much more appealing. I know it will be alright and I know our time will come but I would be lying if I said it didn’t suck some times.