When Time Stands Still

I can not tell you how many times I have been told “Your life doesn’t need to stop just because your husband is away at training/deployed.”. And while that may be true for your career, social and other parts of life, only recently have I discovered that unfortunately its not true for every part of life.

I have worked hard to keep my life moving forward these past 5 months. From running races and pursuing some fitness goals to volunteering, making friends and advancing in my career. But the truth is, some areas of life stand still while he’s away and can’t begin again till he gets back.

One of my best friends and her husband recently started trying for a baby. I am so happy for her. They haven’t been married long but she has literally wanted to be a mother as long as I have known her and I’ve known her for a long time. We have been talking pretty much nonstop these past few weeks about it. They have begun buying baby cloths,  started a baby registry and even started decorating a nursery. We have several shared boards on Pinterest for nursery, baby announcement, baby shower and pregnancy/new born photography ideas. Its an exciting time in her life and I am so grateful to be included but my heart aches just a little every time we talk about it.

At first, I thought it was jealousy. Jealous that they were trying for a family and we were. That had to be it… right? But then I dug deeper and realized that was not it at all. I wasn’t jealous that they were trying. No, I was jealous/sad that they had the option to try. Its a small destination but makes all the difference. I was hurt that that part of life was frozen until he gets back and theres nothing we can do about it. That no matter how hard we denied it or wanted it, it was on pause. They went from waiting to trying literally overnight. But its not the simple for us. We don’t get that luxury right now and thats a tough pill to digest.

The funny thing is that even if he was here, I am pretty sure we would not be trying yet. Just the fact that its not an option right now makes it that much more appealing. I know it will be alright and I know our time will come but I would be lying if I said it didn’t suck some times.

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64 thoughts on “When Time Stands Still

  1. I know what you mean! It’s hard to feel like life can truly keep rolling on without him being there. It’s an odd feeling to have a piece of you away for a long time. I’m there with you, praying for God to show me how to best serve him and my husband while he’s gone. I pray the same for you! Always love reading your posts.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. You have no idea how much it means to me that you can relate! It really helps knowing I am not the only one feeling this way because it sometimes feels like it. Thank you so much for your prayers and encouragement. Both are needed and appreciated.

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  2. Keep your head up honey! One thing that I have learned throughout the years is, never judge a book by its cover. I have friends who are married with children and seem to be happy and enjoying the life that they have built together. Me on the other hand am single with no children! Now some feel sorry for me, and at one point in my life I felt sorry for myself. But God has a plan for each of us and to my friends they look at me and wish they had the freedom. I say this to say, take this time and every moment for self growth and when the time is right and hubby comes back you will have all the desires of your heart with a greater perspective on the things that you have learned along the way. Love your blog and keep it up!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I really appreciate and needed that perspective. It was just the reminder that I needed. I definitely will continue to develop myself and trust God. I know he has a perfect and wonderful plan for me, my husband and our marriage. Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to leave such encoring words.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Hi! My name is Debby and Just finished reading your blog of When Time Stands Still and I don’t know how to answer if I like it or not. I’m very glad that you have been able to pinpoint your “jealousy” (although, I believe it’s more of “wishing”). Jealousy seems to have a negative connotation to it. Uh, where was I Oh, I loved your clarity of your feelings and being able to share in your friend’s happiness. Just remember, you, your husband, and future baby’s lives are in God’s hand! I was in the midst of the highlight of my career when my husband and I decided to start our family. I was already 36 years old and I’ll never forget when I got pregnant. I mean, I really knew! I had prayed and God knew me and He knew where He wanted my life to go. I immediately got pregnant and my son is one of the best people I know. He’ll be 23 in 2 weeks and I can’t believe where the time has gone. Seriously!

    What I’m trying to say is that God has your life already planned so sit back and enjoy your friend’s delight. You will have your baby when He decides and not until.

    You’re blessed to be so young and have your life to look forward to. I turned 60 today (and don’t feel a day over 30) and thank God for everyday that He’s given me with my son. He’ll be moving out of the house into his new home in 2 weeks and I don’t have a clue as to what I’ll do!

    I know I’m rambling and I just want you to enjoy your friend’s happiness. Check out my blog (debbysdomain.blog) and read about how different children are raised today as opposed to when I grew up. Follow me and let me know what you think. Thank you.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you so much for reading. Wow, yes I definitely think the emotions I am experiencing are closing to longing and wishing more than jealousy. I appreciate that destination!!! Thank you for sharing your experience. I always love to hear about others. That is a beautiful story. Happiest of birthdays to you as well!!! Thank you for the reminder that God has a perfect and beautiful plan for me, my husband and our family. I am excited to discover his plan but only want it in his timing. I will continue to enjoy my friend while she is in the season of starting a family but will also continue to trust god and grow content in my season as well. I look forward to checking out your blog!!!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. It’s in those moments of wishing, that the enemy comes in and temptation arises. Stand firm in your commitments to your spouse. Hold on to their character. It’s good to keep busy; but it’s better to pray. Prayer changes hearts and circumstances. If you don’t know how, pick a Psalm and pray through it for your spouse.
    Example: Psalm 23 “Lord be the Shepherd to my loved one. Grant them their needs. Give my spouse rest and nurishment in peaceful pastures. Lead my spouse in calmness and restore their soul…….” I think you can imagine the change it will bring to you and him in those anxious and lonely moments. Peace be with you.
    God Bless you and your husband.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for the reminder to stand firm and in Gods word. One thing is for sure though, as rough as this journey may get at times, I would only do if for and with my husband. I don’t want anyone else. My husband is one of Gods greatest blessings in my life and I guard our marriage extremely closely. Thank you for the encouragement and scripture! I absolutely love the example. I most definitely will take that into my prayer life. Thank you for your prayers and advice. I really appreciate it!!!

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Your reply to This Beautiful Life is so wonderful. I wish I had thought about that positivity. Thank you for helping me , too. Come see my blog and tell me what you think. Debbysdomain.blog

      Ms. Beautiful Life, Stephan Caraway gave you some wonderful advise and give this heavy burden to God. Debby Cummins debbysdomain.blog.

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  5. I’m praying for you. My wife and I were never able to have kids. I have cried myself to sleep mourning the loss of people who never was. I only mentioned it because I wanted to let you know I understand how bad it hurts. However, I believe that your hubby will be home soon and that God will bless you with your heart’s desire. I believe it in Jesus name.

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  6. Padre Paulie

    I was deployed right before I was to ETS which threw a glitch into all sorts of family plans. I won’t go into the details but suffice it to say deployment took a toll. Having said that, I love talking with those who are enduring deployment to walk the journey with them.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh goodness I can only imagine! That definitely sounds like the military. Right when you think you have it all planned, they change it up. He was away 8 months last year for training. When he finished, we thought we would finally have some time under the same roof. But we PCS’ed and three weeks later he was sent off again. Hoping after this deployment we’ll get at least a few weeks together if not months but well see. Thank you for sharing your experience and taking the time to read about mine!

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      1. Ms. Beautiful,
        I’ve been thinking and praying for you and your husband. Do you have any idea when he will be home? Remember that while God is in control of our lives and hearts (if we let him), that Satan is definitely in control of this world today. I know it’s hard to fathom, but he is – he waits for our idle time, times of sorrow, and misleading, and times of self-doubt; that’s when he kicks in and starts destroying our hearts and beliefs in God and Christ. Remember to pray to God in these times for strength or he will surely inhabit your heart. I will be praying and thinking of you during this time. I truly believe we are in the “end of times” and are being tested. One thousand years is a long time to wait; however, with Christ’s help, we will make it to heaven.

        Keep praying and God’s peace, happiness, and will, will guide your life.

        With much love,
        Debby Cummins

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Padre Paulie

        It is my honor to read of your journey. The military can be rather unpredictable and calloused at times. I wouldn’t trade my time in service for anything, but the frustration made me question my decision to enlist at times.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Oh, my heart aches for you. I cannot imagine being a military wife, but you should be proud that you are! You’re sacrificing so much. Tell your husband thank you for his service, and there’s not a day that goes by that he shouldn’t be thanked for my freedom to lay down in peace at night. He’s truly a hero. And you, Ms. Beautiful Life, you’re a hero, too. Your marriage and your relationship goes through this, for our freedom and I thank you and all military families for everything you’ve given up for us. Stay strong, keep on keeping on, and I pray for a safe return.

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    1. Wow, thank you for that. I certainly will pass your appreciation on to him. It will mean a lot to him. And thank you for your encouragement. Its such an honor to support him as he serves. I am grateful that we have been able to make it through the distance and deployment as strongly as we have. Counting down to the homecoming!! Thank you for your prayers and supportive words.

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  8. Hello 😊 how wise of you to realize that you probably wouldn’t be trying at this moment anyway.. that alone frees up some of your pain.. all of life is unknown really.. so even in our sad and or hurting moments – always search for the good.. it is there. God is in control and cherishes your heart 💜 trust His timing.
    Thank you for sharing

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    1. Thank you. I try to think through my emotions and understand the true root. It definitely helps me process them better. I a, beyond excited to see what God has in store for us. He has already blessed us so much. Thank you for the reminder than His timing and plan is supreme. Thank you for reading and for leaving such kind words of encouragement.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. This is so so true! I am not so much wanting kids right now as much as I would just like the option or choice. Whether its starting a family or planning a vacation certain parts of life are on hold and thats what tough. But I do stay encouraged that in Gods timing all things will be fulfilled!

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  9. I can’t imagine how you feel … but I will if all works out in the next week or two it’s not my husband but son , we chatted about this .. well he decided local college two yr one and National Guard … like I said if everything works out paperwork medical he could leave for basic training the end of June he graduates high school the 3rd of June … so then he will be away until Nov start the Spring semester of college and then weekend the Guards then ROTC in a yr or two but getting ahead of myself … I’m thinking the summer will not be the same I feel like you can time stand still, July is his bday and he could be away … but I supported his decision my hubby too so we are in this with him and he wants this so his 18th party will wait till he’s back or before 😥 now getting back to you , sorry ,,,I don’t think it’s jealousy with your friend … are you wanting to have a baby or is it just the idea they have the time to try start a family and you just feel in limbo because everything needs to wait for his return. Well that at least.. don’t look at that look at what you have achieved while he’s been away and that your partners in this waiting game you knew it would be hard this life but the love you share is what matters . Everyone lives it a different way so keep doing things you wouldn’t have ,enjoy your new job . While he is doing his . Then it will be your time to start a family when your ready. Hope this made since 🙂I know what I’m trying to say just hard writing it.🙂

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    1. Oh wow!! Thank you for the update. I have been wondering what he decided to do. Goodness, the end of June must seem so close. Im sure days are just flying by. I know they did when my husband was leaving for training too. I pray the days go slower than ever and that you enjoy and soak up as much time as possible with him. Has he selected a MOS or job yet? Not too sure how it works when doing ROTC. Is the school he’s going to somewhat close to you? It is so beautiful how even though its difficult and wish to keep him close, that he has your support. I wish my husbands parents had done the same. Would have made so many things so much easier. They are supportive now but the scare from how they acted and what they said are still there. Do a party before and after! Can never have too many celebrations haha. We did a family dinner before and big party after. Even though he was confident he would make it through, its tough to predict set backs/ injuries or other things. He did not want to celebrate prematurely.

      No, I don’t think I’m wanting a baby just yet. He’s so ready which I think is the cutest thing ever but Im wanting some time together and to to settle into military life a bit more first. If it happens ill be over the moon but im not ready to start actively trying just yet. I think its just the feeling of limbo. And also when you cant have something, it makes you want it just that much more. He comes home sometime in July so were finally getting there. Slowly but surely. Just need to keep taking things one day at a time, be grateful for what we do have and trust our timing.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m so happy for you that your husband comes home in July. You are so wise beyond your hrs . Yes spend some time with him before staring a family enjoy each other for a bit. Well since I wrote this .. my son was sworn into National Guards this week so he would of left in July for boot camp and then be be back for spring semester if college … but now it’s go t pushed to oct leaving then coming back for Xmas them is gone till April. So weekends will be training at the local check in to keep in shape and stay in with in requirements and then some summer classes at the local college to do the requirement classes since now it will be next fall starting college and weekends Army National Guard then so on so he’s got a good start to college/army career . All so amazing but over whelming yes we are proud of him . Thank you for replying hugs to you I’ll keep you posted.🙂

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      2. Thank you! That really means a lot. Thats the plan! Hopefully well be able to get a vacation in this year since we were able to do one last year. Oh wow, so many changes! Im glad you will get to have him home for a bit longer before he has to leave for training. That means he’ll be home for his birthday! And it’ll be such a treat to have him for Christmas. Sounds like he made a wonderful choice and is off to an outstanding beginning for both his career and education. You raised an excellent young man. I definitely understand the mixed emotions of being proud, happy, nervous, excited and overwhelmed.

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  10. Thank YOU for your service and sacrifice as your Soldier serves to help keep peace and freedom around the world. You are a vital part of that team and I salute you for keeping the home fires burning, although it is difficult at times. I hope you have a family support group near by to encourage one another and provide needed, ongoing support. It’s good to share your concerns to a caring audience – especially those who have been in your shoes. I’ve been involved in many departure and return ceremonies. As one would expect, there is considerable sadness in the eyes of the members and their families upon departure. But! I still recall vividly the joy and excitement when the troops arrive home and they break from the ceremony to hug family members after months or a year of being away. It gives one chill bumps. You day is coming too!

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    1. Thank you for saying that. I really appreciate it. It is such an honor to support and love him as he serves. Unfortunately his unit does not have a support group. They are inactive. I was really looking forward to and hoping to be able to connect with a group as support during this time is so needed. But I have made due and made/created my own support system. I am looking into way to activate the group again and get involved. I would love to connect with seasoned spouses. Thank you for sharing that experience. I most definitely am counting down to his homecoming. Saying goodbye was extremely hard but I know the welcome home hug will make it all worth it. Thank you for the encouragement!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. The units like he is attached have scattered families and it is difficult to meet regularly to share. I think that is why blogs and closed groups with shared interests are important. Maybe you can help others after he comes home and use your experiences. God’s blessings on each of you and your families.

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  11. I’m so sorry, I can’t imagine how much that sucks. So so grateful for your husbands service but also YOUR service. Thank you for sacrificing so much for all of us. Praying that the Lord give you peace through this time and holds your through the heartbreak of it all. You’re amazing!

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  12. I know the sadness of watching friends walk in a world that you want so desperately. You can see it, nearly touch it, embrace it…so close, yet so far away. It is such a blessing that you have a Faith in God, Look up to Him with your cares and sorrows, your cries and the burdens of your heart. He knows it all and He is there to handle it. He’s not shocked by what you feel or what you think. Go ahead and pour out your heart to Him and watch God work in this situation. In the meantime, I will be lifting you and your hubby up in prayer.
    God bless you and your family for thou are beautiful inside and out!

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    1. Yes, you described it is well. Its an experience like no other. I would not have made it this far without God that is for sure. And I absolutely need Him to make it through what is to come. Thank you for the reminder that His is always there, always present, caring and comforting. It definitely is easy to feel like no one knows that I am feeling but it is so true that He does and I am so grateful for that. Thank you for the encouragement and words of support. But are greatly needed and appreciated. Blessing to you as well ❤️

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  13. Elena Loto

    Maybe it’s just a little lesson in all of this: enjoy every moment and be grateful for the things you have. Forget what you can’t change right now. You’ll be able to work on it at the right time 🙂

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    1. This is so well said. I know we treasure each other and time we have together like never before. Things others take for granted or luxuries to us. Staying focused on what we do have is a huge part of it. Thank you for the encouragement!

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  14. First of all, I want to Thank you and husband for your service. I have been there Army and Navy, deployments, divorce and so forth. It takes a strong lady, very strong lady to be a military wife. He will be back soon, if he stays in for retirement, neither of you will regret it. I enjoyed the article. Hang in there.

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  15. As a military mom and witnessing my son, his wife and small children say good-by for nine months as their father/husband deployed, I have experienced your heartache through the ones left behind. With my son gone for what seemed an eternity, his family stayed with us as they were expecting their third child and we didn’t want them to be alone.

    The hours without your husband probably seem to never pass with the weight of waiting for him is a heavy burden to bear. Comfort won’t come because I tell you he’ll be home before you know it. Separations are difficult, but are an opportunity to find someone else who is alone and make their day by giving of yourself. Sowing always produces a harvest. Your seeds of love and going beyond yourself makes a difference for the sower and the reaper.

    Until your husband returns, give yourself away. Your days will be sweeter.

    Thanks also for liking my blog. Meant alot.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow, yes you most definitely know. You described it so perfectly. Thank you for the encouragement, advice and support. All were greatly needed and so appreciated. Most definitely counting down till the homecoming. We are slowly but surely getting closer. In the mean time, I will continue to give myself to the community, work and growing myself.

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  16. Lauren Macdonald

    Oh I so understand, the being on hold! My husband is not in the army but he was sick for the first 4 years of our marriage, so we watched everyone else getting on with their lives without us. Then we had 5 kids in 9 years, now, to you who can’t try for kids right now that may seem like a mean thing to say but what it meant was that once again we were on hold, in baby land, watching others get on and move through stages that we remained in.It’s like living parallel existences sometimes. For example all my friends who only had two kids were out of nappies 9 years ago and we’re still there, but we also live in their world because we have older children who have moved on. They go off on crazy expensive holidays while we have no money for holidays, or time or the energy even if we had the other two.
    But like you say other parts of your life do move forward. For example my faith is so much stronger than it would have been. My closeness to God is more than I imagine would be possible if I’d had other things to get on with.
    But like you say so honestly it sucks sometimes.
    Thank you for your post

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    1. This is so true and such a wonderful perspective. Thank you for sharing your experiences! It really did help me in my outlook. I am happy where we are. As much as I would like children or other things, I remind myself to be grateful for where we are and enjoy it while it last because you never know when the next season will start. I am so grateful to be near the end of this deployment. It truly has brought us closer and made our marriage and faith stronger. Looking forward to enjoying the simple pleasures of marriage. Thank you again for the encouragement and insight!

      Liked by 1 person

  17. Pingback: When Time Stands Still — This Beautiful Life – elunarcom

  18. My partner does not work away from home and we have been trying for over 3 years. We start our IVF journey soon and we are hoping for the best.
    It is some times a struggle to get on with life when you are stuck in this situation and even more of a challenge when your friends seem to get pregnant so quick. You are not alone. X

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    1. Wow, thank you so much for reaching out to me and sharing your story. It really does help to know I am not the only one. Definitely tough seeing others get to certain seasons first. Especially when we want it so bad but its completely out of our control. Wishing you the best in your journey ❤️

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