If only you would listen

Gosh dang it, its happening. Slowly but surely its creeping up on me, I’m getting sad. I’m missing him like crazy and that “stay busy” BS doesn’t work because no matter how “busy” you stay, it always catches up with you. You eventually wear yourself out that you finally have to stop and when you do, it hits you… hard.

The thing they also do not understand is that “staying busy” does not stop you from eating dinner alone. It does not stop you from going to the gym by yourself or watching your favorite show alone. It does not stop you from hurting and it most definitely does not stop you from missing whoever you are missing.

No one wants to really know how I am doing. Everyone asks but no one really cares. They ask me just so they can check it off and tell themselves that they are being “there for me”. My “best friend” drops me every weekend when her boyfriend comes into town. “I try to stay off my phone when he’s here” she says. But in the same breathe “I’m here for you.” But she’s not. I told her this would be an incredibly hard weekend for me and that I could really use her support but she’s nowhere to be found. I can’t even get a text back. Thanks, you really are here for me.

My family asks how I am doing and when I start explaining everything that is on my mind and stressing me, they listen for a minute but then become bored and the conversation moves on to something else. Its always “You got this, you’re strong and smart, you’ll figure it out.” And I know they mean well and they are trying, but its not what I need. I just need someone to listen. I need someone I can cry with. Someone that I can show my pain to and they will just be there with me. Not try to fix it or make it go away.

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